With temperatures expected to soar to a positively Mediterranean 30°C, every person of working age in Gnosall has apparently reached a unanimous decision that "absolutely nobody should be expected to do anything useful until temperatures reduce back to a more sensible 16°C", according to reports.
Local sources originating from The Horns Inn claim the unofficial strike was organised after several residents were seen standing outside Jia Jin yesterday evening, fanning themselves with takeaway menus and muttering, "It's too hot for all this palaver, but I still want my chicken in black bean sauce with chips this evening. I think Jia Jin is open today, but I need to check."
Among the demands issued by the newly-formed Gnosall Against Sunny Periods (GASP) are:
- Mandatory visits from Tony's Ice Cream twice a day.
- A temporary ban on any form of movement faster than a gentle stroll.
- Permission to complain about the heat despite spending the previous six months complaining about the rain.
- Free paddling pools for anyone under the age of 40.
- Free pints at all Gnosall pubs for the over 40s
- A government-funded programme to relocate Gnosall to North Wales until September.
Businesses across the parish are said to be preparing for disruption.
One local businessman who we can't name, speaking while reclining in a reclining chair with a delicious looking iced coffee, said:
"We'd love to be working, honestly, but health and safety comes first. You can't expect any staff to work when it's the same temperature asTenerife out there."
Our reporter claimed to have smelt pumpkin latte, and almost stayed to see if she was offered a cup, but was interrupted by chants of "we want more snow, when do we want it? Now!"
Meanwhile, several solopreneurs working from home have informed us that they will be "working remotely as usual", although eyewitnesses suggest this may simply involve answering emails from inflatable loungers while consuming ice lollies in their back gardens.
And firefighters at Gnosall Community Fire Station have published a statement saying "we will respond as normal, but we may turn up with a Magnum Ice Cream".
Meteorologists expect conditions to return to normal by the weekend, at which point residents are anticipated to resume complaining that it is "far too cold for July."
Local councillors are said to be monitoring the situation from in front of their fridges.
Disclaimer: This article is entirely fictional and should not be taken seriously. Enjoy the sun, and stay safe folks.
